As far as I can get on one tank of gas...

While building with legos, to himself:

"You can't go into battle without your head."

Well, I guess it depends on your skill - it might save time.

Happy Birthday RADIOPAGAN!!!!!!!!

(happy dance!)

Friggin' Mars retrograde... Meh.

Looking back on the past year: Hmmm... Wow... Really...? Interesting...

I'm going to have to post more, but suffice it to say it has been wonderful, painful, educational, faith-inspiring, heart-warming, heart-breaking, and much more. And it comes to rest in a really great space (thanks guys!).

I love my family.
I love my friends.
I'm loving me.

More on all this later... Stay tuned!

One of my favorite people in the whole world has moved into my house!

*big grin*

My new favorite driving song: "Gonna Take A Miracle" by the Elders, live at KCIF (let's heat a shout from the KC contingent!)

And my almost-8-year-old son is walking around every day this week singing "Born To Be A Bachelor" by Gaelic Storm. This made his (male) teacher laugh heartily.

The trailer is sold. Even though Paul thought I should remove it, the bumper sticker by the door ("Don't Make Me Release My Flying Moneys!") was actually what sealed the deal. I even got lawn mowing out of the deal by coming down on the price (the neighbors will be happy).

I was sadder than I thought to see it go. It was a happy PSG home for many years. The kitchen fed scores of hungry Guardians and friends for all those years. It hauled First Aid gear well. It was a decent counseling office.

Farewell, sturdy trailer! You were not fancy, but a hearty good friend! Who needs bling?!?

*sniff*

Did you guys know it was Paul's birthday today...?

On Saturday, at Celebration of Celts, David had asked me to call North, but the bonfire and ritual circle was canceled at the last minute because of the literally freezing temps and the whipping wind... (Doug said he thought that was East telling us it was not pleased that we closed the airport for the fest... Perhaps!) So I did not get to call North, but it has been rumbling around in my head. It needed to be shared, though this is a slightly longer version, and not complete, since it keeps morphing in my head over time.

"Spirits of the North, we know you. We hold you steadfast beneath our feet - the roots that run deep into the dark, rich earth and feed our strength and life. We feel you in the drumbeat of our souls. You pulse up through our trunks to anchor us with nurturing constancy as we stretch our limbs and leaves into the sky. We see you as we stand at the edge of the solid white cliffs and look out into the world with fearlessness, on the verge of new beginnings. We gather your courage to our hearts as we drop into the unknown with faith and wisdom. Be with us. Hold us. Anchor us so that we may leap into the sky and dig deep into ourselves to find the bravery and insight to face the changes that come as we grow."

So truly, the Universe has been a wonderful friend. Over the past 2 years, I had been beginning to doubt and was not welcoming of the lessons. However, I have lately witnessed a rebirth of joy and the development of multi-dimensional, close friendships in unexpected places. I have delighted in the return of light and life in those I love dearly and have felt honored to be a small part of that, particularly after being able to palpably feel the constriction of the soul that comes with loss. This, in every way, was an honor too - to bear witness, even physically, to the pain.

I have, in the past few months, tried to figure out what drew me to a course of action I had questioned at first - a course of action that did not fully fit the rules I had set for myself - but now I think I get it. ("Think" is an important word there.) I credit the Universe in action - a path I may not fully explain - because there is little other explanation. I'm not going to tell you that growth is easy, but it is most certainly worth it (as if you didn't know). Things that have been brewing for a while now, have condensed to a sweet, mellow syrup that glides over the soul and sweetens daily life, though it may gum up the works on occasion. I'm really genuinely amazed with what I can learn about myself just by listening. (Those of you who know me well will concur that, while I am very smart, I can be very dense.) The moment and the message coincide and the light goes on. I thank those of you who have wittingly or unwittingly taught me so much about myself these past few months. Those of you who have been willing to work through the uncomfortable misunderstandings or face the pain that confronts you with compassion or sit with the fear directly across the table and not flinch. You inspire me and honor me. The struggle has been to be courageous enough to face the risks.

So when is it easy to take a risk? When you have some hard-won trust in yourself and in others to catch you when you fall, or you figure the fall - if it comes - is something you have to do.

I can honestly say that, while I know more about myself than I did before, I feel like I know less than ever, but not in a way that scares me. I am on a journey of discovery. Apparently, I have a few excellent guides. And a warm embrace at the end. The patience and love I freely give to others needs to be shared with myself. Is it possible to be open and safe at the same time? Is it possible to be anchored and unrooted at the same time? Is it possible to give up the things you feel make you valuable to others, yet retain the value? Yes, because it is all in your perception. I have been learning to breathe.

Take the risk, because the alternative is stagnation. There is a course laid out, by forces beyond your understanding. Can I borrow some of your faith and trust?

So can anyone tell me what the hell is going on with the universe these days? It was a crazy weekend full of bad luck and such. Anyone got a clue? Or should I chalk it up to a karma adjustment (even though I'm not quite sure what I could have done to deserve it...)??

I'm all ears...

At the gym this morning, I realized I am a male chauvinist pig.

That's right.

The hint?

On the many flatscreen TVs available to my eyes, I could not decide whether to watch the basketball game or the bellydancer.

Then I figured out that the bellydancer was 16 years old and felt slightly horrified. I certainly would not let my 16 year old go on national TV in that outfit.

Yikes.

I ended up watching the basketball game...

but:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY radiopagan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*hugs*

But not so little anymore!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEAN LIAM!!!!!

Hard to believe that 7 years ago I was holding you in my arms for the first time and marveling at how wonderful you were. An amazing journey... With so much more to go...

So this morning about 9:15am, I start getting call after call - literally as I was on one call another would come in - saying I had called them from my cell phone number. Um, no. So after about the 10th call, I got on the phone with Nextel, who eventually (after hanging up on me and also asking me if I had placed any of the calls or changed the security settings on my phone) told me that there was a problem on the tower that switched the caller ID signal so that my number was coming up when someone else was making calls. I got a total of 56 phone calls in the span of an hour. Do the math. I am very annoyed.

The best part was the messages that folks have been leaving on my phone as a result. I even saved a few. Like the one where all the guy did was scream into the phone. Or the one where I was chastised severely for hanging up on what they assumed was a wrong number ("I generally have enough within myself to admit when I was wrong. You should try that too"). I eventually changed my outgoing message to explain the situation ("If you don't know me personally then I did not call you") and even thereafter the messages were amusing ("Well, thanks for letting me know. Have a good holiday anyway!").

People amuse me.

And Nextel sucks.

Tee hee.